Appletini

Appletini

The Apple Martini or Appletini for short was created in 1990s in the West Hollywood Bar Lola’s, worth noting it is not an actual martini

Ingredients

·        1.5oz Vodka

·        1oz Green Apple Schnapps

·        1oz Apple Puree

·        Green Apple Slice

Steps

1.     Pour ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice

2.     Shake vigorously

3.     Strain into Martini Glass

4.     Garnished with a Green Apple Slice

 

George Bernard Shaw

Vodka: A Short History

Vodka: A Short History

                The drink from the East which was once drunk by the most ruthless leaders of Russia is now a party liquor for college kids and the main ingredient of most ‘girly’ cocktails. The neutral taste of Vodka makes it a bartender’s best friend, and the relatively cheap prices makes it closer than family to a young drinker. Cape Coder, Screwdriver, Cosmopolitan, Appletini, White Russian or just straight shots from the bottom shelf all are great choices. Whatever your vodka drink of choice may be, it will be nice for you to learn the turbulent history of the alcohol which has caused many you to have had wild nights with rough mornings.

Vodka’s origins are in the region spanning Poland, Ukraine, and Russia and its early generations were probably the result of Monks’ experimentation during the middle ages. Although most Americans recognize the beverage as a Russian design, the Polish often contest this as it’s a matter of national pride, though both nations have reason to claim creation. Russian Tsars took control over the Vodka industry early on and used its revenues to fund the government, privileged supporters were allowed to distill the spirit for loyalty to the Tsar. By the late 1800s the Russian government banned serfdom which had prevented any of the lower classes to embrace their entrepreneurial spirt. The commoners were allowed to distill which vastly increased the quality and quantity of the spirit. A young serf who took advantage of Vodka’s growth was Pytor Smirnov, whose recipe created the Smirnov brand. Production in Poland started with using grain and began wide scale production in the 1500s. Eventually the Poles switched to using potatoes as they became more readily available in the 1800s. Scandinavians, particularly Sweden had a nationwide industry in the 1700s.  By the 1940s, World War Two had introduced Western Europe and America to Vodka which became extremely popular. Bartending ingenuity began to boom with Vodka as the neutral taste allowed for more variations in flavor and thus more variations in drinks. More recently high end vodka has been on the rise with brands like Grey Goose and Absolute.

So raise a glass to Peter the Great for all his partying, to Mother Russia for kicking out its greatest distiller, to Polish potatoes and to James Bond for bringing the brand to popular culture.

Popular Brands

Grey Goose, Ketal One, Smirnoff, Crystal Skull, Svedka, Vladimir, Vestal, Reyka, Belvedere, Absolute, New Asterdam, Mccormicks, Popov, Stolichnaya

 

Works Cited

·         McFarland, Ben, and Tom Sandham. "Rum." Thinking Drinkers: The Enlightened Imbiber's Guide to Alcohol. N.p.: n.p., n.d. N. pag. Print.

·         Phillips, Roderick. Alcohol: A History. N.p.: n.p., n.d.. Print.

·         Hellmich, Mittie. Ultimate Bar Book: The Comprehensive Guide to over 1,000 Cocktails. San Francisco: Chronicle, 2006. Print.

The Phone

The Phone

This adventure begins at a house party and ends in a strip club parking lot.

                Hosting a rager at my house started out relatively calm with a killer beer pong tournament and a couple handles of tequila. Once everyone was well toasted an idea was brought up in jest.

                “We should go to a strip club.” John said not loud enough to be declared an announcement, but it did spur on Donny who had heard the statement, and quickly yelled “Fuck yea we should go to a strip club!”

Now the whole group was aware of what seemed like a promising idea and with the brain power of eight drunks, we managed to call up two taxis. Within minutes of arriving at the club two were down for the count, laying their heads on the table in defeat. No more than ten minutes in, half the group was prepared to leave behind the strippers we rapidly annoyed, so another cab was requested.

Waiting outside with our two semi-conscious friends sitting on the curb, my buddy Louis and I had thought the uneventful night was over. Suddenly a flustered stripper and what was supposed to be an intimidating bouncer come out and began yelling at the group, with claims that Louis had stolen the strippers’ phone. Despite their inebriation, the two buddies who should be fast asleep were renewed with a surge of energy and began to argue on Louis’ behalf. After a tense 10 minutes, that in our minds sounded like a court case out of Law and Order, but was likely incoherent rambling, the stripper and the ‘security’ acquitted us of all charges and left us in the parking lot.

Happy that the situation did not escalate into violence we began laughing about what had just transpired. When it calmed down, Louis pulled out the stolen phone with a big grin, confessing he thought it was our friend’s phone but didn’t want to admit the stripper was right. He walked back in the club and told the cover charge employee that he found the phone in the parking lot and believes it belonged to the stripper who just walked in.

God damn it Louis.

James Crumley

Churchill

Buttface

Buttface



The elegant game of Buttface is as classy as its name implies and as fancy as the drinks required to play. I picked up this game in the early days of my drinking and it is still a group favorite.

Items Required

·         40oz Bottles of Malt Liquor

·         Quarter (multiples preferred)

·         Sunglasses

·         A table

·         Irresponsible friends

Rules

Players are spaced evenly around the table

Each player places their 40 in front of them on the table

A player will spin a quarter in the center of the table and call out the name of another player at the table

While the quarter is still spinning, the player who was called out will attempt to smack the quarter at another players bottle.

All Players who are not called out to smack are allowed to defend their bottle with the back of one hand as soon as the player smacking is called out

If the quarter makes contact with a player’s bottle, that player becomes Buttface and must don the sunglasses making defense that much more difficult. Buttface also must drink whenever commanded and may be asked to drink their bottle at “90 degrees” until told to stop.

If Buttface’s bottle is hit by the quarter 7 times in a row they are ‘skunked’, house rules determine the punishment.

Sub Rules

Spinners rotate only when a bottle is hit, whether it’s the same Buttface or a new one

Spinners become Buttface if they fail three attempts to spin in a row

If a quarter hits a players bottle, ricochets off of it and hits another players botte, Buttface is whoever’s bottle was last hit before being stopped